Measuring my life in coffee spoons.

Have you ever felt like, I lot of thing seem.. I don’t know… I don’t wanna say wrong, but somewhat incomplete in your life. Like you’re living a good life but its not what YOU want, its not YOU. Its just a standard life. Where you go to school, and have your regular lunch, and you go out and have fun with your friends. But, theres just things that don’t seem completely okay. You want to live a life made up by yourself. I think whats happening is, I haven’t found myself yet. Im living the life I thought was mine because thats just how it happened. But when I put things on perspective, I don’t know if this is what I want. I don’t know if what I’m doing is right and that scares the hell out of me. I love my life, I really do, but Im studying in the school and the major my parents wanted to. I didn’t have the choice to FIND what I wanted to do. I didn’t get the chance to experience. They kinda decided it for me and I grew up thinking that thats what I “wanted”. I know they meant no harm but I don’t know if this is what I want in my life. I live in a beautiful city I don’t feel I belong in. I’m in a period of my life where I’m even doubting my hairstyle. I don’t know what to do. I have an amazing guy waiting on me to make up my mind and decide but I can’t, I can’t because I can’t be with someone when I don’t even know who I am. Theres nothing certain for me right now. Theres no one I can talk to about this, because my friends are just another part of this “life” I’m living. I wish I could take a break. not a vacation break, but a break from my life. Go somewhere, alone. Get away for a while and for once find out who this girl is. I feel like theres someone screaming inside of me, begging to be freed.